Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Z.A. Maxfield and My Heartache Cowboy

What is your name and occupation?
I’m Jimmy, ma’am. I work as a hand on the J-Bar ranch.
How old are you?
How old do I look? ‘Cause I can tell you I look pretty good for my age. I been taking care of myself lately on account of I stopped drinking and started eating right.
Why did you change your behavior?
I was making my friends crazy. They staged what you might call an “Intervention” but what I’d call a great big pain in my ass.
How did you come by your current occupation?
My daddy was a bull rider. I grew up around horses and I figured I’d make my living in the rodeo like him, but that didn’t work out. I moved around some. Worked some spreads in Oklahoma and Texas. I guess I found what I was looking for here at the Jenkins’ place and I just kind of stayed.
Who is the person/creature you respect the most?
I’m torn. I want to say the man I respect most is Crandall Jenkins. I mean -- he was always real good to me. He treated me real fair. But if I’m honest, I’d have to say Eddie Molina is the person I respect the most. He don’t lie. He’s never once let me down. He’s my rock. I don’t know where I’d be without Eddie. That’s a fact.
Is there anyone special in your life?
Yes ma’am there is. I ain’t gotta tell you that, do I?
You don’t have to tell me. Are you happy though?
Yes ma’am. Like I never thought I’d be. Ever. I’m a lucky man.
What’s your favorite meal? do you fix it yourself or have someone fix it for you?
I guess I like a big old Porterhouse steak with a baked potato and all the trimmings. Maybe some of that dark chocolate cake for dessert. Me and Eddie had a meal with our friend Don in Arizona and they brought me a piece of cake the size of a dinner plate. Had chocolate chips in it. That was some good cake. I’m learning to cook because someone seems to think we don’t eat right. *Cough*Crispin*Cough*
Football or baseball?
I watch anything that’s on. I like Rodeo. That’s a sport.
Favorite exercise?
Hell no. Wait. Are we talking about certain horizontal gymnastics? ‘Cause I could stay in shape that way. I’m pretty dedicated.
Favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving is nice ‘cause of the food. Last year Emma Crandall brought me a plate. Made me feel real special. I’m going to miss her now she’s moved to Florida.
Favorite song?
I like that church song Rock of Ages. Don’t ask me why, I don’t even know. I guess my mother used to sing it some.
If you had one wish, what would it be?
I wish my brother Jonah was here with us right now. I wish I could tell him…I don’t suppose it matters what I wish. Is that all?
Sure. Thank you.
Thank you ma’am. I’m going to go get me one of those little cakes now. I have developed a passionate sweet tooth lately.
Go ahead. There’s coffee back there too.
Now you’re talking. Thanks again.
Jimmy Rafferty and Eddie Molina go way back at the J-Bar ranch. They’ve worked together, bunked together, camped out, and drank together. So how has Jimmy failed to notice that Eddie is gay? Eddie has not failed to notice that his friend has a serious drinking problem, and he’s determined to help Jimmy kick the booze cold turkey.
Taking him up to a snowbound cabin to detox, Eddie is confronted with Jimmy’s fierce denial. But the pains of withdrawal are nothing for Jimmy compared with the heartache of denying his true feelings and his deep longing…for the one man who cares for him more than anyone else on earth.
When I woke, I was alone and the truck wasn’t moving.
Who the hell did Eddie think he was, leaving me asleep by myself in a truck outside in the freezing cold? My pa and my older brother, Jonas, used to do that. We’d be on the road, and when I fell asleep, they’d leave me in the parking lot of some dive bar or motel—just leave me asleep outside in the dark. I’d wake up with no clue where I was, no idea if they were coming back or if I should go in and try to find them.
My first useful thought was to look for the keys, because I hadn’t forgotten what Eddie said. I hadn’t forgotten the plans him and boss Malloy made for me behind my back. It would serve them right if I up and hightailed it back to the J-Bar with Eddie’s truck and no Eddie.
No keys.
Not like that was going to stop me. Where the hell did Eddie get the idea I’d go quietly? I slid over and tore the wiring out from under the dash. Found what I needed without hardly even looking.
I hated waking up alone like that. Unwanted. Abandoned.
One twist. Two. Touch the wires together and the engine should . . .
What the hell? I checked I got the proper color-coated strands and tried again. I was frowning down at the mess of tangled wire when someone tapped on the window behind me.
I glanced up and saw Eddie frowning down, no doubt pissed at what I’d done to his truck. Serves you right for leaving me like that, you prick.
“You need a working engine for that,” he told me as he opened the door. “One that has a battery.”
“Fuck you.” I spilled out of the car ready for a fistfight.
“What?” Eddie jumped back.
“Why did you have to leave me like that? What did I ever do to you?”
Eddie shook his head at me. “I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. You were sound asleep and I thought maybe you needed it.”
I took a swing at him. “I hate waking up alone in a car like that.”
Ed plucked my fist from the air and peered at me like he was trying to see through my skin. “I didn’t know.”
“I hate that. Left behind in the car like a damn dog. Like a fucking duffel bag. You can’t be bothered to even wake me up and take me in out of the fucking snow.”
Now Eddie frowned like he was thinking about it. Now, after the fact. “I’m sorry, Jimmy. I didn’t think how you’d feel waking up alone like that. I won’t do it again.”
“Would have served you right if I took your truck and left you up here to walk back to civilization, wherever the hell that is. Would have served you right if I’d died out here.”
“All right, all right. Simmer down now.”
I glared at him. “Fuck you.”
“It’s pretty civilized inside. How about you come in with me.”
“How about you suck my fucking—”
“That’s enough.” He turned and headed toward the cabin’s welcoming front door. “I almost didn’t bother to disable the damn thing, but I thought on the off chance you knew what you were doing and could—”
“Which I did,” I pointed out.
“Come inside.” He jerked his chin toward the cabin like I was a dog and I was supposed to just follow along and yip around at his heels.
I debated making a run at him, but frankly, Eddie was a tough buzzard. He wasn’t too much older than me, just forty-two compared to my thirty-eight. But I was a lover, not a fighter, or at least that’s how I thought of myself. Back there on the road, Eddie had proved he wasn’t above using violence to get his way in this, so I went along.
You’re going to have to sleep sometime.
Eddie led me into a rustic-looking cabin that seemed awful nice for the middle of nowhere. There was a place for us to hang our hats just inside the door, over a table with a passel of pictures on it. There were old time black-and-whites of families and framed pictures of a good-looking man, a pretty woman, and some kids. There were some of the kids alone, and holy cow, there were probably a dozen pictures of Ed. He looked so young in a couple of them, they must have been from before we met.
One of Ed and the unknown man caught my eye. Something about the difference in height, the casual way they leaned together, the way they looked at each other, made me think this was Ed’s friend from the road, Don. Even though they’d both aged some since it was taken, I was almost sure of it.
No knobby hands, no weathered angel, this Don was good looking, without a doubt. He was lanky and chiseled. He had an intelligent face and a smile that drew the eye. He seemed sure of himself and charming. Whatever I’d seen in the darkness outside the car had to be a trick of the light.
Ed looked so young and earnest next to him it took my breath away. Brawny and tan, he wore a yoked Western shirt with the sleeves rolled up past well-muscled forearms and he eyed Don like he would follow him anywhere.
And that Don, he looked like he could appreciate a guy like Ed, as well.
Hadn’t I seen firsthand how much he did appreciate him?
Z. A. Maxfield started writing in 2007 on a dare from her children and never looked back. Pathologically disorganized, and perennially optimistic, she writes as much as she can, reads as much as she dares, and enjoys her time with family and friends. Three things reverberate throughout all her stories: Unconditional love, redemption, and the belief that miracles happen when we least expect them. If anyone asks her how a wife and mother of four can find time for a writing career, she’ll answer, “It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you give up housework.”